Sunday, July 30, 2006
Comparison...The Good...The Bad..And The Ugly...
I noticed something about myself last night that I found unsettling. I have this terrible habit when I am out in public of comparing myself to other women that are around me...A sort of sizing up if you want to look at it that way.... Last night while we were out at the club I was surrounded by women who had money...and lots of it..(Houston is full of very wealthy people).who had obviously had plastic surgery, or botox, or other procedures done...and some of them were natural beauties...and for a moment I almost let it make me feel ugly...notice I said ALMOST... I found myself trying to compare myself to them...(which I know is unhealthy) but it's hard not to do...and when I had finished checking off the lists in my head the comparison was obviously not in my favor...(looks wise) But when I started to think more about this this morning I realized that it's ok....it's ok that I don't have fake boobs, or a spray on tan, or perfect skin...because I am me....I am low maintenance...and I think generally people like me because I am "real" there are no masks or facades with me....it's Cat that you get and if you don't like it..oh well..get over it....I think generally people find me approachable and easy to talk to..and at the end of the day it's what's on the inside that counts.... It reminds me of a metaphor I will try to describe here.... There are these two houses, both are essentially the same size and square footage....one has an exterior that is obviously showing some wear for the weather...but the inside of the house is filled with love and caring, and warmth...and the feeling that you get when you go inside is one of acceptance and happiness. The other house however has had a lot of exterior work done to make it LOOK good on the outside...new paint, new shutters, and even a new walkway....but when you go inside and look deeper you will notice that the pipes are rusted, and the plumbing is in disrepair, the air conditioning is broken, and none of the appliances work...and there is tension, and turmoil in the air... Which house would you want to be? For me the choice is easy...I would rather show a little wear and tear and still be myself, and have that inner peace. That being said there is nothing wrong with exercise and diet to try to make yourself healthier and in turn look better...I am all for that....but when I really think about all of that surgery and injections...I have to say that if you are that insecure about yourself (and believe me I have felt that way from time to time)to feel like you need to go under the knife to be accepted..then you need to find a new crowd to hang with..because those people are NOT your friends...and they have issues of their own... I have had my fair share of struggles with self esteem and body image issues in my life...but I have been working hard on all of that lately...and self acceptance is one of my biggest goals....after all if you don't accept and love yourself how in the world can you expect anyone else to?? It has been a HARD struggle though...motherhood is stressful and takes a toll on the body, and the mind...and it's easy for moms to just put their own self care needs aside in favor of caring for their family...I am guilty of it myself...but I realized lately that if I didn't start taking care of myself then I wouldn't be in good enough condition to care properly for anyone else....Scary thought huh?? I feel like this past year has given me a new sense of respect for my body...it has changed a lot since I turned 30...and it was terrifying at first...but I feel more at home in my own skin today than I ever have...sure I would love to lose a little weight, and take better care of myself....but go under the knife?? I think not...let the gravity take hold...that's what wonderbras are for...
Posted by Catwmn ::
1:22 PM ::
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